A Shambhala moment

Yesterday at work a situation arose with one of my students. Things were a little a bit of 'control chaos' until the situation was resolved. Afterwards with my students sitting down occupied my boss came to talk to me about it and paused just as she was beginning to speak. She looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked why I was smiling, I didn't even realise I was. She wasn't being rude, I've worked with her for four years now and I suppose I was acting out of character. For some reason I immediately said, "Shambhala." I don't know why, it was the first thing that popped out of my mouth without a single thought. She laughed and asked why I said that, and I honestly didn't know. Before I could ponder and think of an answer her attention was needed elsewhere with another situation. Even as she left, I didn't have an answer for her, or myself as I wondered why I said it as it was the most natural answer. It still felt like the right answer, though I didn't know the 'why'. I put it from my mind until I was packing up my supplies after all the students had gone home, and I still didn't know why. As I reflected on the moment, the answer was still the same.

It wasn't until this morning as I was getting ready to head to campus that I realized what that 'why' was. At that moment I was feeling, and therefore must be reacting, differently than normal. I didn't have the small knot of anxiety that would normally form in my back when things pop up like what had happen I would not realize was there or I would ignore wasn't there. I has been calm, more relaxed, but still focused as I normally would be on this kids but at the end of the day yesterday I wasn't exhausted as the anxiety would normally drain me. Its something very hard to describe but it I don't have to think of why I acted differently, nor did I immediately assume, the answer simply came to me.

If my boss hadn't had come to me to try to speak to me at that time and ask me at that moment I doubt I would have ever realized that I was behaving differently. I feel joy when I think about it now, for I feel that what Doria spoke of during the entire weekend in Level 1 was surfacing though I can't pick out a specific thing she said that resonates but more as a whole. Its confusing but not distressing, more... contemplative than anything. I can't think of how to describe it, other than Shambhala, just as I had answered.